Honesty & Truth is hard to find.

I have realized that I am never quite sure what to title my posts or where to even start with them. I always feel lost. I know what I want to talk about but I guess it is just hard to try to title it.

So with this being Thanksgiving week it has brought about a lot of thoughts and feelings. First and foremost, I am so blessed to have such an amazing family and group of friends. They have ALWAYS been there, and my true friends know who they are and could tell you where I currently work or what I am doing. There are people that try to say we are "best friends" and maybe in their eyes we are, but I feel time has drifted us apart and it is time to go our separate ways. My true friends, I love you guys & appreciate all that you have done for me and all of the times you have been there to pick me up when I have fallen. As far as my family, they are my rock. I would be lost without them and have been so blessed to have them in my life and that they have always been there for me No Matter what has happened and what mistakes I have made. I am truly blessed with everyone and everything I have and am so thankful for those that make the effort and those that bust their behinds day in and day out to provide me with the amazing life I have been so fortunate to grow up with.

As far as my fiancé goes, my heart goes out to him around the holidays this year. As much as he won't admit it, it is killing him inside and is breaking my heart. I hate to see how everything is happening and as much as I might complain about his family (thinking back to previous posts), I would give the world for everything to be okay and fixed with them, just for his sake. It absolutely breaks my heart. As long as I have been around, I feel there has always been a disconnect between the siblings at the holiday gatherings but everyone has set aside their differences for the kids, Mom & Dad, and just to have a good time with the family since it happens only two times a year. This year is completely different. Its upsetting, heartbreaking, and just horrible. His brother and sister-in-law have more less destroyed the family, but as well a bit falls back on his parents (and I know if he reads this he will probably be mad at me... but I guess I'm the one to always say the truth).  Their drug abuse has ruined them, completely destroyed them and everything they have including their kids they have lost. Their oldest boy together doesn't want anything to do with them, their oldest daughter isn't far off, and the youngest girl is too young to understand what is going on (yet I think she does but she's a mommy/daddys girl). They have robbed everyone in the family including myself,  and have even planned on doing a home invasion on their Grandfather (whose wife passed away earlier this year) & stated they didn't care if he was there and knew exactly what they wanted to take. They lost their home and chose to sell food stamps and everything they own for that one quick fix that then turned into a self destruction downward spiral. They are completely mental, and have destroyed their brain and the cross between reality and fantasy. In the process, they have moved back into his parents house and completely destroyed them in many ways. As well, they have brought down the whole family in the process. No one wants to stand up for them, and just wants to protect the parents, since it seems the parents can't do it for themselves. Yet at the end of the day, after the cops make the two leave, the parents let them right back in.

For Thanksgiving this year, his family held the meal at his sisters home instead of his parents. None of the siblings or grandkids were going, just the sister who was cooking and the parents. My fiancé and I were going to go, we felt bad for one, and second he wanted to see his parents because since we moved he has not seen them & neither of us like going over since the two people on drugs live there. The day before Thanksgiving we found out that still none of the kids were going, but they reason they weren't going is because his brother and sister-in-law were going. Which this ended up with us not going either and trying to come up with an excuse without hurting his parents feelings by telling them the real reason. I feel like they have chosen the two on drugs over the rest of the kids (meaning my fiancé and his sisters). It absolutely kills him because of the fact that they adopted him and took him in when he as a baby and now that he can't even go around them because of the situation. We both are angry at his parents, and just recently the sister-in-law spit in his moms face and hit her and pushed her down. As sympathetic as I am trying to feel.... its just not working well since they continually let them come back. So all of this is leading to Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for what you have, for who is in your life, for the blessings you have been given, and things you have accomplished and overcome  to get to where you are, for the men and women -past, present, & future- that have fought for our country and our freedom, and many many other things. So this Thanksgiving has me thinking & there is one part that I am stuck on. Which I guess makes sense since my fiancee says I am quite the negative person. I am thankful for so many things, but trying to be thankful along the lines of his family... I am stuck. Do I be thankful that the druggies are alive, since it is honestly insane that they are after all they pump their bodies full of? Do I be thankful that they havn't killed their kids, Mom & Dad, or anyone else YET? Tomorrow is a different story... How do I be thankful for two people that have completely destroyed a family, ruined lives, hurt many people, & much more? The only thing I am thankful for with them is the fact that they have three beautiful kids & that I am hoping and praying are not destroyed by what their parents have put them through and exposed them to.


Moving on, I have recently, as in the past week, started a new job. So this means I currently have two jobs and go to school full time. Which is driving me crazy. and I have no free time ever...

That

funny moment when you realize you will never grow up & look at yourself as an adult. lol

Oh and when your friend & you are texting during class about someones work and you actually lol out loud. priceless (exsp. when the WHOLE class looks at you)

the end.